Date Night

Welcome to Date Night!

We’re so glad you’re taking time to invest in your relationship. This experience is designed to help you connect with your date, no matter your season of life. Follow each prompt to take the next step toward winning in your relationship. You may be tempted to go through all the steps at once, but try not to rush. The timing of each prompt has been intentionally planned with the health of your relationship in mind. So, take your time — and have fun!

Take this opportunity to set everything else aside, focus on each other, and make this night count. It’s not often that you get uninterrupted time together, so be intentional with the next few hours. Once you’ve selected a restaurant, start with Step One…

Step One: Mark the moment. Memories are made when we mark the moment. It’s a powerful relational technique, but it’s also a biblical one. Think: rainbows, the Ten Commandments, and a Passover feast. Mark the moment right now! While it may sound silly, take a selfie, and then save it as the background on your phone or share it on social media. Mark your moment and make sure to tag @upstatecommunitychurch

Once you have ordered your drinks or appetizers, but before you’ve ordered your meal, head to the next step.

Now that you’ve taken your selfie, try not to look at your phones unless you’re reading the next step for your date night. This might be difficult, but it will be worth it!

Share. Pick two or three meals to share–and don’t be afraid to try something new! Then, take turns sharing a funny memory of something you have experienced together.

Wait to move on to Step Three until after you have ordered your meal.

It is easy to forget the magical moments while living in the mundane. You and your date aren’t the same as when you first met, and that’s ok! You’ve grown in years and in experiences. Instead of growing apart, commit to growing together.

Step Three: Jog Your Memory. Ask the following questions and allow time for both of you to answer:

What do you love most about me?

What is something I do that you would like me to do more often?

What is something I used to do that you would like me to start doing again?

Take what you heard from your date and plan practical ways to show up for them in the days ahead. If dinner has not been served yet, move on to the next prompt. However, if your food has arrived, pray for your dinner and thank God for your date. Now, on to Step Four!

You’ve made it to the halfway point of Date Night! Isn’t this fun? Well, you’re just getting started.

Step Four: Dig Deep. For this step, there are some ground rules:

Just listen! Listen to your date. Uncross your arms and legs, lean in, and hear their heart without defense or justification.

Assume positive intent. Filter everything you hear through the assumption that they love you and are for you.

Respond with grace. Ask clarifying questions, if needed. Find out what your date needs from you in this season of your relationship. Offer to make a change that will strengthen your connection.

Now that we’ve covered the ground rules, take turns responding and discussing:

Do you feel like I make you a priority in my life?

We know you want to win in this relationship, but sometimes winning takes work. After you’ve discussed everything, move on to Step Five.

Look at your date. God has a specific purpose and plan for your life, and it includes this person! There is power in unity.

Step Six: Dare to Dream. Please choose a place, not too far away, where you share a special memory with your date. Drive there and find a place to park, or drive past it and continue to talk as you’re driving. Share the memories you have of this place.

After you have both shared, answer this next question: What’s your dream? In other words, what things do you hope to accomplish or to experience? Now discuss how you can work together to make these things a reality. Even if your dream seems impossible, how can you take small steps, together, in that direction?

Once you have had time to discuss these things, go to Step Seven.

Love isn’t born; it’s built. It’s built over shared experiences, sacrifice, and kind words. Keep building the love you share!

Step Seven: One of you chose a location for step six. For this next step, let the other person choose a location. Drive there and find a place to park for a bit, or drive past it and continue to talk as you’re driving. Share the memories you have of this place.

Take turns with this: Tell your date something you really like about them. This is not why you love them, but rather what you like about them. Observe what is interesting about the other, something important you value in them as a person, or something humorous they do that makes your day.

Once you have had the time you need to discuss these things, go to Step Eight.

Being vulnerable can be a scary thing to do. But research shows that vulnerability strengthens connection. We’re proud of you for doing the scary, brave thing.

Step Five: Get Honest. Look your date in the eyes and tell them how much you love them. Be brave enough to open up more than you usually would. Ask your date how you can be praying for them and listen closely to each other’s response. It may be helpful to record your date’s prayer requests in your notes app, or to email or text them to yourself. It’s important that you remember each other’s requests and commit to praying for them regularly.

Finish dinner, but before you leave, go to Step Six.